Although we will leave the more disgusting and horrible humour to the darker places of the web…. Our best rude jokes can be used in a number of situations and we think they could work perfectly inside a greeting card, a casual joke to your friend or you could even risk it and use some as pickup lines — so, we will let you decide! As we enter our huge list of funny adult jokes, we would like to warn you of rude language and a lot of sexual innuendos….
Obviously rude jokes come in all shapes and sizes and we have plenty more to show you… Next up, rude chat up lines…. Use these sexual jokes to make your friends laugh! Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. Q: What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Married. Q: Why does it take million sperms to fertilize one egg? A: Because they won't stop to ask directions. Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? A: He only comes once a year. A: There are 20 of them! A: You can unscrew a lightbulb. Q: What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Q: How is a girlfriend like a laxative? A: They both irritate the crap out of you. Q: What do the Mafia and a vagina have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? A: The man. A: Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Q: How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? Q: What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart? A: You are the wind beneath my wings. Q: Why can't you hear a psychologist using the bathroom? A: Because the 'p' is silent! Q: What's better than roses on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ. Q: What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? A: Where you put the cucumber Q: What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A: A cherry float Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can? A: Because his wife died Q: What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A: A liquor cabinet. Q: What do girls and noodles have in common? A: They both wiggle when you eat them Q: What's the worst thing about dating a blonde? A: If you don't know what hole to put it in neither do they. Q: Did you hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili? A: I guess he liked seasoned professionals. A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dong.
Q: What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? A: Lettuce alone without dressing. Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff? A: A Crane! Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: Because all those men already have boyfriends. Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E. Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch. Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me! Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A: A virgin Q: What do you call two fat people talking? A: A heavy discussion Q: What do you call a party with midgets?
A: A little get together. Q: What do going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common? A: You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meaty bit.
Q: What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? How do you get Bill from William? The other watches your snatch. You can sleep with a light on. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What do you do if your partner starts smoking? Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.
Where you stick the cucumber. Two test tickles. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster? A cock that stays up all night. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil. What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
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